dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
one two three fourrrrnication!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
