Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
