I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
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God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.