Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
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May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"