Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
