I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
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We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*