Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?