Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.