Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
