when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
