If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
