I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
