recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
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He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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