i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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