would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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