when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
do herpes really smell.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
