Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
