Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this beer tastes like vomit already
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
