I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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