I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
as a side note pls kill me
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