NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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