I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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