garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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