Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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