yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
