worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize