That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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