i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
