I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
