I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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