So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
