dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
