Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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