If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
