my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
