Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
