when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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