If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
