hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
this hospital has no fireball
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
