that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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