It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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