the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
