If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize