At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
