his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
