mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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