Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
