I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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