she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
