I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He felt like a one man threesome
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
