Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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