fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
