I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
