I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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