Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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