Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
