sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
