Well apparently he's into motor boating.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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