When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
