He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
