It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
