you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
