Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We named our party play list daddy issues
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
