All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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