corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
