i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
