FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
