I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
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Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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