whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
