how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
