Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
