Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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