i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's never too late to be topless.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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