just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
