No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
