Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
