I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
